One of my friends likes to joke about how slowly I’m writing my first book. Fair enough. I myself thought it would be out by now, and I was clearly wrong.
I know I’ll be able to go more quickly next time, despite evidence to the contrary. That’s because I know what’s been holding me up. It’s a combination of self-sabotaging personal habits, lack of experience, and fear. These elements combine to make some days a productivity void, where I’m only able to write by dint of great effort, and that’s not the fastest way to go.
But fear is the largest portion. I sat on a finished draft for a couple of weeks before I finally found an editor, mainly because I was unsure, riddled with doubt, and afraid of taking the next step.
I can fix my personal habits, eating healthier and exercising and, most importantly for me, getting enough damn sleep. I’m trying to do that now.
I can get more experience. I’ve been doing that for years, and will continue to do so for many to come.
But fear… The only way I’m going to get over the fear is to finish this book and release it. Then I’ll know I can do it, and once you’ve done something, it’s always easier to do it again. The first time is always the toughest.
Even then, I know the fear won’t go away. It will only lessen. But I’ll learn to dance with it, to lead my fear rather than letting it take control of me.